i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We were destined to go to rehab together
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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