I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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