Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
