whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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