she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
