I want to walk on stilts...naked
party gras won. party gras always wins.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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