as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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