Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
