He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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