Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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