I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
