there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She swung at the pinata with crutches
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
