don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who died my cat blue again?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
