I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
