Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
