every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
