Only a mothe r could love this liver
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
