Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
