Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
