Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
