I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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