Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
