How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
