Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sober January is a disaster.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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