Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
