Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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