Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
