I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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