Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
