I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
