I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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