Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
