yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
