i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
