Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
