Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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