I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
two words...techno handjob
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
