You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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