you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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