either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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