Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
