He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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