the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
