you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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