shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
