I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
