My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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