that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
