3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
