There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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