I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
