I wish I only lived at night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
